my daughter was a few weeks shy of her first birthday and we were at home, sleeping in a little bit when the phone started ringing telling me to turn on the news. although i wasn't there, i will never, ever forget that day or the weeks that followed. but let me go back a bit...
i'd fallen in love with new york city during our first visit...our honeymoon, december of 1996. people said "you're going to new york city for your honeymoon? really?" or "don't you want to go on a cruise or maybe to somewhere tropical?" or "gosh, you should be really careful! i hear it's dangerous and they hate tourists!" but it had been a dream of mine for a very long time to go to new york and this was finally the perfect occasion. (by the way, the only rude person we met that entire first trip was from THE SOUTH and also a tourist - shame on her! giving us a bad name!) we did all the touristy stuff...circle line tour, theater, central park, restaurants, times square, the late show with david letterman (twice!), the empire state building.
many trips back to the city followed that one and i dreamed of one day moving there and maybe even raising a family there. the far fetched dream of living in a beautiful brownstone on the upper west side made me absolutely giddy. the diversity, the culture, the activity and spirit...it was truly the most beautiful place i'd ever been and i was in complete and total love. "don't you want to go somewhere different for vacation? you've been to new york plenty of times..." came the comments. "my heart is in new york city", always came the reply. if ever we could sneak away, even if just for the weekend, we'd head to new york. staying at different hotels all the time, concerts at the roseland, parties with friends. even though we lived in a very metropolitan and diverse city, new york was the city my heart belonged to.
our last trip before that day was in june of 2000. we found out we were going to have a baby in february and we immediately knew that these vacations were going to end - it's just not the most sensible place to take an infant on vacation. plus, there was the whole idea that we'd probably be way too broke to afford it! we decided we wanted to go back one more time before the baby came because we didn't know when we'd be able to visit again. the dream of moving there had fallen by the wayside because we knew we could never afford it. this last trip, we went to the tony awards at radio city and had an absolute blast! we decided then that we would find a way to make it back and keep our love affair with new york alive.
fifteen months later, it happened.
the media was saying things like "nuclear war is a new reality today" and "it has created a new skyline in new york city" and "today our nation saw evil". like the rest of the nation and world, i was transfixed. i was horrified and angry and sad and breathless. i held my daughter tighter that day than i ever had before. it was like watching a movie. those eerie scenes where the actor portraying the president has to address the nation after some horrific act of terror. the weight on his shoulders visible, his brow ruffled. quoting psalm 23...god bless america, indeed.
my sister was in the hospital that day, delivering my nephew. she had no idea what was going on in our country until after it all happened. to this day, it's all very surreal for her...quite like that movie. for her, this is a day of joy - a day of celebration of her first born. it was one of the few things i was thankful for that day...the one small light in an otherwise awful and dark day.
in the days that followed, i slept in the living room in front of the television. i rarely left the house. i watched CNN non-stop. i scribbled in journals and cried more times than i could count. i kissed my daughter and husband a million times over. everything in me wanted to fly to new york and help. do something. do anything. if not for my young daughter, i probably would have. i was afraid just like the rest of the country. but even more than that, my heart was broken for the city i loved so much.
on the third anniversary of 9/11, i wrote this in my blog:
I was going to write an entry about 9/11 because I wasn't actually around LJ land when it happened three years ago today. I decided that I'd just say that a part of my heart still breaks hearing/watching/remembering...and that even if some think me naive, I'm ever hopeful that one day peace will be a reality.
despite where our country is financially and our place in the world, despite what happened just four years later in new orleans, despite all of my fears, i am more hopeful today than ever before. i want so badly for my daughter to see a peaceful world in her lifetime.
i hope today that you do more than just remember. i hope you are thankful for the good things in your life. i hope you squeeze your loved ones a little tighter. i hope you do something kind for someone else. i wish you love and peace and happiness today.
edited to add: we have since been back to the city. i can't wait to visit again and really wish i'd make it more of a priority to save up some dough and take a trip to new york. maybe today is the day i set that goal.
ello, fine blog readers! i'm sorry it's been so long since i last shared anything with you. things have been a little nuts as i try and prepare for two big upcoming events. first, the opening of my etsy! there will be lots of little goodies to share with you and i'll be back with a link to the shop + an official opening date soon. second, i've co-chaired the book fair at my daughter's school for the past few years. this is my first year with no co-chair but so far, so good. i've got a co for the spring, which is awesome. but for fall - i'm all on my own! well, i've got my trusty team of volunteers, too. SO thankful for the parents at our school! anyway, that's coming up at the beginning of november and i'm gearing up for that!
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